Not Today

Often I take pride in my sensitive heart and wilder mind.
For I have an outlet to express whatever emotion I find.
But there are days I want to fail to remind
To just move forward, not stuck on rewind.
Thoughts come to me melodically in a rhyme
But they leave violently, questioning the health of this pastime.

Within my view of the world, my identity lies at the heart of it.
Instead of embracing it today, I want no fucking part of it.

Awry

The way I felt with her I have yet to eclipse
'Twas a height so high, even the stars would miss
To comprehend that distance actually exists.
Yet now I realize she was a code I could not decrypt
And her actions today are so easy to predict.
She was her best projection but that directly conflicts
With what she actually is and I am all but convinced
That once you boil down a strip
And sift through her politics
That between her heart and head, something is amiss
I will never need to again transfix
Or torture myself to convince
That I would want any part of that infinite abyss.

Haste?

I refuse to deafen and wait until my demise
to use heaven as an excuse to reprise.

Never stave off pleasure, happiness and reward.
Claim what you get in the end yet take it well before.
For I recognize her being is what I adore
And after I take her deeply, I am left to want more.
Scrambling, I swing violently to grasp a metaphor
that brings me the thought to help explore
And describe the site of the emotional outpour
Of what my heart looks like spilled out on the floor.

The best things do not come to those who wait, death does.
I will indulge in her, here and now.

Out-of-Heart Experience

Have you ever stood in the presence of something greater than yourself?
Has love ever dug under your skin, projecting an image of someone else?
Perhaps you played a card that would be trumped, no matter what was dealt.
Then you know what it's like to feel feelings that can never again be felt.

It is humbling to witness that experience.
You begin but start stumbling with the rest
As your stomach starts grumbling with detest
Now mumbling stupid, much less than you would have guessed.

That is what you've done to me. No, I never stood a chance.

My chance with you I thought awfully, greeting feelings with dismiss
That judgement was costly, retreating to a doubtful abyss.
Subtle you were at first so calmly, fleeting with bliss
Then I touched your face so softly, preceding our first kiss.

My heart still races today as I reflect on how we were
The symmetry went unspoken, and I'm sure you'd concur
The memory of summers we had together eclipsed in a beautiful blur
But you took the interest on my heart and decided to defer
Then the strength of what we felt began to transfer
Looking back I still try to understand what actually did occur.

Fool me once shame on you but for the second time I have to own
Twice bitten by the same snake and I still cannot condone
The trespass you committed and the true side of you that was shone.
"If only we were in the right place" is the epitaph of our gravestone.
We could have both avoided all of this hurt, if only we would have known.
That you never actually loved me, your heart needing to roam.
In the face of that emotional adversity, you decided to go it alone.

I will dust myself off in the wake of what you inadvertently slew
And begin to excavate the damage my hurt has accrued
I will pick up the pieces, find myself and then debut
A greater me as if achieving some kind of breakthrough
But I haven't. I am stuck in the past, still pining for you.
Moving on is still just a wish that I hope someday comes true.