Faith

I have grovelled and crawled
and been driven up every wall
as I have faced your ego and undaunting gaul.
I will no longer play a role in your immenent downfall.

I have stood by with faith
while the pieces fell to place.
But the shape they create
is not foreign to frustrate.

I turn my bow to you and suddenly realize
that your depth yields waves that capsize
the hope manifested within your disguise
And there is no light in your deep blue eyes.

Restored

As this New Year came in to turn
I set out, within, something to learn.
A need for expression has always governed
coupled with emotional concern
it melds together to violently churn.
Somewhere deep, those sentiments burn.
I have ignored this ache and adjourned
but it only brought me anxious concern.
My pen sat quiet but inspiration has spurned
Back into a blank page fray, I have returned.

Chances

Throughout life we must weigh risk against reward
making choices based on how much hurt we can afford.
It is the potential reward we must gravitate toward
and know the loss could leave us at rock bottom's floor.
Within this balance is where the human spirit is restored
and passion is tempered where it was absent before.
No matter the weight of the loss or how much we abhor
You must stand up again and continue the fight once more.
Shattered hearts can be mended, broken wings can still soar
but you must find the strength to knock again at the door.

Fatherhood

The first task of a father is to protect,

you identify adversity, then filter and reject. 

Something unidentified shows as a vague silouhette 

without assesment, I move forward to intercept. 

Time has gone by and I must soften my approach

and step back to encourage development and promote

but beginning to expose him I truly hate the most. 

I must lower my shield, letting the real world in

and ignore my need to protect him on a whim. 

I cannot wait to meet the man he will one day know

but I still see him as mine and am not ready let go. 

Fight

So many times we push to be better people 

then our ambitions settle for less than equal. 

To dreams, reality can become lethal

and has a way to turn wishes to feeble. 

Wants are only words yet change requires action. 

and following this path will require much passion. 

Why? Because effort will be tested 

and regardless of strength, we are all affected. 

We must commit to the person we long to be

not just what falls within efotistical harmony. 

Unsatisfied

Faith is not as profound as advertised
It is a simple relationship by design.
While we look outwards for the divine
and seek our righteousness inside.
We make the mistake to decide
to organize together, unsatisfied.
How can a group speculate to clarify
what becomes of an individual's afterlife?
To me, there are no means to justify
why the lost cling together to pacify
by joining together to ratify
what is to become of their private paradise.
I look within for morality to ironically "testify"
that I simply find this entire concept asinine.

Maps

Sometimes I reflect back on a memory
and rely upon both mental notes as well as sensory.
I cleverly draw a map and find a trajectory
that leads me directly back to that moment's energy.
This transports me to the exact point in time,
regardless of what has transpired, the best parts still shine.
It's possible recurrence has a dying timeline
and it dwindles shorter every moment I pine.
Still I trace it back within the delicate scheme
restitching what is torn and repairing every seem.
I made no second effort while caught in this daydream,
You will have to excuse me while I attempt to redeem.

Shooting Stars

Sometimes children venture out into starry skies
with mason jars and hopes of fire flies.
Their laughs echo and their hearts race
and we long to send ourselves back to that place.
Where we were all carefree in our own little space
and saw love without judgement, acting to embrace.
You taught me to love fearlessly in that regard,
free from encumberance, and no matter how scarred.
I wish I could pick out my mistakes and then discard
just as I wish to lay with you under this sky full of stars.

Ravenous

It was not the smell of her body it was the sense of her presence.
A hunger in me awoke oddly and I simply had no defense.
What rushed to me clearly was a need to take her fiercely.
Merely my prey and purely mine by the end of the day.
My words began to ensnare and her wits could not bare
as I kissed her open mouth and grasped the back of her hair
She laid before me all she ever had, now vulnerable and bare.
My attempts were too amplified
I sucked out her life and bled her heart dry.
A feeding frenzy, she was devoured whole
and I underestimated the exquisite taste of her soul.
Their shine never seems to eclipse my black hole
so next time I must exhibit better self-control.
Then I would not destroy that which I love and pay another toll
adding yet another set of bones to my bottomless sinkhole.

Pendulum

A pendulum is a such a precise device.
Perfectly balanced with every slice.
It swings away making a path, and then back just right;
two directional changes make one turn fully concise.
My heart has a way that mimics this device
Symmetrically beautiful but my God I pay a price.

Let me explain that cost...

In one moment, everything seems to glide
all moving in a unified direction.
Then affection slides to infection
momentum slows and my heart alters its projection.

The worst part is nearing the height of the swing.
In the clearing, when motionless it brings
a hault before steering in a new path.
In that pause I look back
at the turns I took off the beaten track.
And fearing the outcome I swing away from the attack.

Much like the pendulum, within this change is a sudden problem.
I thought my heart moved apart and would be able to solve them.
I wanted to a counterpart in a summer blossom but alas my heart still craves Autumn.
I thought I achieved new surroundings and wanted to take part
but the familiarity makes it all fall apart
as I realize my heart returned to where I began...and was dissatisfied with from the start.

Silouhette

The pieces appear simple but shine intricate,
Sturdy and ridgid yet they assign delicate.
These scattered pieces were once an asset
but their reassembly I now forget.
It was not long ago a malignant onset
crumbled this structure under immediate threat.
My applecart was violently upset
which has forever altered my mindset
to a mashochistic Russian roulette.
There is no peace can I get
which does not impose regret.
I long for a reset
by adding more chips into the bet
but I only accrue more burdonsome debt.
Alas, no absolution from you I have met
and your absence awakens me in a cold sweat.

Endeavor

There was a time when I welcomed the storm.
I longed for it to lash my senses, awakening.
The whip lashed on, my flesh grew weary
I long no more and my heart stagnates, yet beating.

I spent a time, attempting to embrace the norm.

I longed for it to wash over me, giving me understanding.
The effort was wasted and my mind not ready
and I looked no more, my soul left fleeting.

I surrendered myself, trying to understand my own form.

I finally captured it, steady fulfilling.
The work was a trial but my soul accepted
and I reassure myself, doubt receding.

I let go of resentment, wanting something warm.

I was ready to welcome it, finally believing.
My confidence is tested but my will is strong
My journey now begins, best if I am leaving.

Instance

The memory of that day comes washing back
as waves receding like the ocean reeled in the slack.
A beautiful moment was imprinted in time.
Naturally the horizon and the skyline
meld together as your heart did within mine.
An examination of our fault line
would show purity of a level divine
and no soul would step forth to decline
that I was effortlessly yours and you would always be mine.

I see you on that beach, all smiles and in curls.
and for a second it seemed your soul had never left this world.

Unknot

The same body that gave life to me
possesses the heart that still denies me.

I ask her, what is it like?

To know you are being sought
and to know you are in my thoughts,
yet you hide your heart from taking that shot.
I have always held the thought
that if I pushed through and fought
eventually your presence would untie this knot.
Alas, I am beginning to become distraught
that my confidence is all for naught
and my heart will always hold this blind spot.

Reach to me, I will find a way to understand.
My heart lie open, I will lovingly take your hand.

Broken

Broken house, broken home
squares nothing to being alone.
Looking over the pieces we shattered
they still resemble a shape of what mattered.
It is not that you've found happiness elsewhere
for it was I that saw your needs and pretended unaware.
It matters not my effort towards you was unfair
nor the impact of the unspoken affair.
This is all in the past and somewhat irrelevant.
The intent that it meant will now reinvent to see
as it manifests itself with a new identity.
But why?
Because love cannot be lost, it merely transforms
to find a way to survive beyond our storms.

Eulogize

And it was then she came to realize
that he was unable to empathize.
That part of him broken otherwise.
He sent her heart to soar in bright blue skies
but so much emptiness in his deep brown eyes.
When she called forth his disguise
He would charismatically improvise
and speak to being able to reprise
the role she cast him for; her equal to harmonize.
But something had already set his heart to fossilize.
To her this was of no suprise.
Despite the hope she had, she could not sympathize.
Her cocoon cracked, spawning a firery butterfly.
And tomorrow, her unforgiving sun will rise.

Riposte

We had our time and now it has passed

What was sewn was reaped and the harvest did not last.

We must finally let go of what all we amassed. 

Yet you have not, instead your gauntlet was cast.
These words serve as the response to your broadcast.
'Disingenuineness' is what you see when you look to the past?
I see a genuine attempt to yield what was asked.
I was unable to and my heart began to contrast.
I was not able to match you and the wound turned fast.
Looking back, if I could I forecast
I would relinquish your heart ache and then surpassed.
But I cannot, which yields remorse that we did not last.